The Tilt-A-Whirl: Lessons for Life

Before we even knew what physics was, we were studying science while waiting in line at the local carnival. We anxiously examined the ride as it spun and whirred, carefully selecting which cart spun the fastest and the most frequently. We remembered its cart number or color and as soon as the rope was opened, we scattered in predetermined directions to make sure one of us got to the golden cart first. No one wanted to be the fat kid on the outside edge that theoretically made the cart spin all the more. But if it ended up being you, you took one for the team in the name of the carnival gods that ruled the summers of our childhoods. You sat anxiously awaiting the ride to start, knowing that you picked the cart that would bring you to the edge of nausea and back. And as the ride sputtered to life, you held on tight and waited...


...and waited, and waited. And the fucking cart never spun once. Not once! It teased and jostled and hedged, but it never spun around fully. Not a single time! Did I say this was a physics lesson? I lied. Science has no place in carnival rides. The Tilt-A-Whirl is a lesson in life. You study and you wait and you sprint and you end up yelling that the fatty in your cart is on the wrong side and if you are the fatty, you feel reassured that you aren't really fat enough to make a carnival ride spin. And at the end of it, you end up wasting 3 tickets on an uneventful minute of your life watching everyone else's carts spin wildly out of control, secretly hoping the fat kid next to you develops Type II diabetes and never gets asked to the prom. And as the ride slows to a stop, you grumble, get off and mutter whatever explitives you've learned from your parents at that point.

And then what do we do? WE GET BACK IN LINE!!! Because here's another lesson: KIDS ARE STUPID! We all did it. Kids are dumb and come back for more because for some reason, in our twisted brains, we think we've figured it out this time. We bug our parents for more tickets, we get in line, and we do it all again, not realizing that life, like the Tilt-A-Whirl, cannot be figured out by watching and waiting. You just have to get on and hope your fat friend is fat enough. Wait, I mean you just have to get in there and hope for the best and do your best to make that motherfucker spin. And if it doesn't? Your parents are waiting on dry land with more tickets. And doubtlessly, you'll get off the ride and get right back in line. Or maybe you'll go get in some other line. But regardless, you'll keep at it. Whether you get the blue cart or the red cart never really matters; it's that you got on the ride at all that counts.