A Small thought about a Large individual

Correct me if I'm wrong but if you're not Fat Joe, you should not be wearing a shirt that says in big letters 'Fat Joe.'





Because you're not.

A League of Their Own



We're all familiar with the expression and sentiment behind the phrase 'out of my league.' You see an attractive stranger at a bar or coffee shop and though you'd love to approach him or her, you say to yourself (or a very blunt friend will say to you) 'He/She's out of your league.'

Now, with that set aside, I would like to relate this to a current event that employs this concept...in the reverse. When Kevin Federline (K-Fed, FedEx, etc.) married Britney Spears, everyone agreed: "She's out of his league." And now, on the cusp of what will be a straightforward divorce process due to a witty prenup, I think a more productive approach for Mr. Federline is not to assess who's out of his league, but mainly, who's even in his league? So in addition to our standard system of the American League, the National League, Little League and the League of Extraordinary Gentlemen, I propose we add one more league: the League of Social Pariahs.

All star line-up to include:

- Kevin Federline
- Bob Saget
- Danny Bonnaducci
- Jack Osborne
- Mel Gibson
- Clay Aiken
- OJ Simpson
- Howie Mandel
- Billy Bush
- George Bush (both)

(We attempted to draft Sadam but he claimed our league to be 'a farse.' Maybe next year.)

Errrr......

(It's never a good start to the day when it's only 8:53 AM and I'm writing this. )

Awkward Work Moment of the Day: My coworker approaches me while I'm speaking with my manager and begins a story with the following: "I was at a bar last weekend and I saw your picture."

Little Ralphy

A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?" She calls on little Ralphy. He replies, "None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot." The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your thinking." Then little RALPHY says, "Please Miss, I have a question for YOU". There are 3 women sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice cream. Which one is married?" The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, "Well, I suppose the one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone." To which Little RALPHY replied, "The correct answer is 'the one with the wedding ring on', but I like your thinking."

Viagara anyone?

You know how you get junk email from some strange names and they're always for viagara or some other kind of 'supplement'? Well, the wack-o name in my inbox today? Buck Pickles. The subject read 'Viagara?' I don't think I've ever seen a more accurate match between a sales name and a product.

The Lunch Talker

One of the many hazards of eating lunch at your desk on top of crumbs in your keyboard is the lethal Lunch Talker. You know the one. That guy or girl that seems to wait until your mouth is full to round your cubicle wall and start some form of conversation. If you're lucky, it's work related. If you're not, it's weekend related. 'Hey, so what are you up to this weekend?' Then, if things are really not going your way, they comment on your food. 'Whatcha got there? Oh, that looks good? Leftovers? How'd you make that? I'll have to get the recipe.'

There are only two resolutions to this situation. Shoot the Lunch Talker or shoot yourself.

A Conversation with my Roommate
by Alison Hession

the scene: i'm sitting on the couch watching TV. My roommate enters the room on her way to take the dog for a walk.

roomie: Is this James Bond?
me: It's National Lampoon's vacation.
roomie: oh.
me: Are you serious? James Bond?
roomie: Well I've never seen this movie!
me: But it's Chevy Chase! James Bond!?!?

The end.