Okay, so no one's perfect. I know I'm not perfect. But I don't know, I don't think I'm that bad of a person. I think the general public disagrees. I've been called a C-bomb (C*nt for those of you not in the know) twice in the last 5 days. Never been called that in my entire life, and now twice in one week. Things that make you go hmmm...

The Original Alan Greenspan

After some thought, I realized the financial world revolves around the whims of Alan Greenspan. However, my father has been implementing the most severe economical principles for ages and interest rates have never reacted to him. Now honestly, who but the most dedicated economist would do the following:

• serve his child watered down orange juice and half buttered toast
  
• wash all the mirrors in a 2 1/2 bath house with one paper towel
  
• hand you half a napkin at dinner time
  
• water down the soap in the dispenser until only CSI can tell that it did indeed at some point lather
  
• empty the disposable vacuum bag instead of replacing it
  
• use business cards, envelopes, newspaper scraps and pretty much any other unused paper as post it notes
  
• waits 'til all books come out in paperback and make their way to used book stores
  
• takes a year to use a $20 giftcard at Barnes & Noble while somehow making 3 separate purchases with it
  

And the list goes on. My father, Michael Hession: 8th Wonder of the World.

This just in! Melissa Etheridge has snagged a new following!

Apparently, the outspoken public figure can add America's homeless population to her following in addition to the gay community and breast cancer survivors. Spotted today in South Boston: a rugged looking individual with trash bags and American flags a'blazin', rocking out on a lovely day to 'Come to my Window.'

You go, girl.

President Bush announced that troops could be in Iraq as late as 2009.

Translation: Some poor bastard (hopefully a democrat) will have to deal with my mess.

First of all, I recognize that the following discussion opens me up to all sorts of criticism. Because let's all be honest, Friendster is pretty queer. Even the name of it is pretty queer. That aside, I logged in today to see if I had any friendsters and noticed a panel on the right titled 'Singles Near You.' Underneath the title were links with pictures to 4 different guys. It had their names, ages and locations. It also had their 'status.' 2 of the 4 were 'In a Relationship.' Ummm...thanks Friendster. You're queer and a homewrecker. Real nice.

I wanna shoop, BABY!

While contemplating the life altering lyrics of the popular classic 'Shoop' by Salt n' Pepa this weekend, I came to the realization that the vocabulary in this ditty is horrifyingly misplaced. Shoop? 'Shooping' is something white people do on Sundays. 'Shooping' is reserved for gay old times at the Doo-Wop Diner. Do you think 50 cent shoops? NO! He was not 'shooping' in da club with a bottle full of bub. And God help Eminem if he even attempted a song involving 'shooping.' He'd be riding the subway next to Vanilla Ice and Snow. (Tangent: all would-be white rappers, refrain from including reference to your ethnicity in your name. It's the kiss of death.)

The point of my tirade? Absolutely nothing. I was obviously left alone a lot this weekend.

Go speed racer, gooooooo!!! I triumphed at my company outing. I probably shouldn't have passed my boss...twice.