So I'm trying to be optimistic while watching the State of the Union Address. However, it hasn't even started and I'm already jaded. There have been several money shots of Mrs. Bush...happily situated between a muslim woman and a black man. Oh how melting pot! I wonder if that was at Alito's behest. Maybe they'll all go have burritos afterwards.

And first item on the speech: Martin Luther King Jr.'s widow's passing. JFK would be so proud of you G Dubby-a.

And I should have put money on this: 5 minutes in and he mentioned 9/11. Talk about beating a dead horse. He should be barred from using that topic. If I was a family member of a victim of 9/11, I'd want him barred form using my family's pain relentlessly to create that atmosphere of anxiety and fear that somehow makes his actions plausible.

The rivers run red, mind your first borns and keep an eye out for locusts. Apocalypse now.

So this cover of Rollingstone has everyone's panties in a knot. My advice for concerned parents and christians? Worry more about the things you can control like checking your kids' homework, going to their games and recitals, and keeping them healthy and smart. Worry less about the media, the glitz and the endless blame game being played by the government and the networks. You should not be offended by a likeness of Jesus used on a magazine cover, regardless of who is depicting him. You should be offended by the rate of childhood obesity, literacy and teen pregnancy in America. So why don't we all stop pointing fingers outside the home at magazines, tv shows and movies and turn our attention inward to what we really can fix.

I appreciate the pharmacy's concern when prescribing antibiotics to women who are already on birth control. Apparently, antibiotics interfere's with birth control's effectiveness. Normally, this would concern me. However, if you've ever seen what I look like when I'm on antibiotics, I wouldn't worry about me doing anything that could lead to pregnancy.

So I am all for the concept of prescription marijuana. Let's be real here: the drug has its benefits. So the only applications of this phenomenon that I'm aware of are cancer patients and glaucoma. Cancer, I get. Glaucoma? I don't get. I'm not saying it's not a legit need, but I feel like there are a host of other ailments with equal to if not greater pain factors than glaucoma. An excellent example would be arthritis, especially the rheumatoid variety. How perfect would weed be for this condition? It dulls the pain AND removes any motivation to do anything, so your joints won't hurt if you're not up for gardening today or picking up your grandkids. And you won't care because you're stoned off your rack!


Ahh, the beauty of medical science.

I'm here to make a confession. I'll take the fall for so many by airing out what I know a lot of you think but would never admit. You know you want to do it. It could be so easy...maybe. Not like I've given it much thought or anything...well maybe a little. I've just pondered it logistically. The thrill of it, the excitement, the new found freedom. Oh what fun I'd have. But oh how bad to get caught. Which I guess the bad side of it is part of the draw.

So what do you think: identity theft anyone?

Be optimistic. Inter-racial relationships can work.

The origin of Japan:

Japan was actually founded by a group of elite Chinese swimmers who escaped the mainland and the communist regime and encountered the island that is now Japan. They developed Fuji film, found the free market, and the rest is history.

However, the descendants of their ancestors who currently inhabit the Chinese mainland are making a comeback. They have now opened their economy to the Western World. In China, 'fuck' translates to 'fuji.'

And while we're on the subject of Asian economies, it seemed like more than half the manufactured goods in the world had a 'Made in China' sticker on it BEFORE they opened their markets. So now what? Is Mexico out of a job?

Should it make me nervous that I IM'd my dad...and got a rainbow themed window back?


Hmmm...

My liver and I have a standing agreement: If I stay standing, so will my liver.

My mom sends me health tips everyday. Some of them are useful, some of them not so much. However, the one she sent to me today caught my interest, solely because it sounded like one of the worst ideas ever. Please read:

Today's Tip: Road Trip Snacks
If you need some healthy snacks for the road, our dietitian suggests trying celery stalks filled with peanut butter, unsalted nuts and seeds, dried fruit, and pre-popped light microwaved popcorn. Additional ideas include dry cereal, whole grain pretzels and crackers, baby carrots, cherry tomatoes, 4 oz. cups of applesauce, tomato juice, and bottled water.

This sounds like a real fun road trip. Sign me up for that one! Where to? Amish country? Or how about the untamed wilderness of upstate New York? And you know what, there's always one person on a road trip that brings that sh*t as a snack and can't figure out why no one wants any organic whole grain crackers with soy cheese.

No idea why I thought about this but I might as well force my thought process on you. What's the deal with meat loaf? First of all, unless it's bread, I'm not eating anything in 'loaf' form. Second, meat loaf is a shady dish, even when your mom makes it. You kind of look at it and think, wtf is in this? no really. wtf is really in this? I told my mom for years that her meat loaf tasted like soap. She thought I was sick. She wanted to take me to see a doctor about it. I think there was a greater likelihood that it was her meat loaf recipe that was sick, not me but for some reason, that thought hadn't hit her yet. Every time she would make it I would take a bite and say 'this tastes like soap again' and she would feel my forehead. And don't even get me going on casseroles.


I like hamburgers though. They don't taste like soap.

Okay, so I was in an interesting predicament last night. I have this guy talking to me and everything is going all wrong...except he has a cane so I'm humoring him. Now is that right of me to let him get away with being a total asshole because he has a cane and was wearing a rosary? (oh yeah, he was a religious nut, too - the plot thickens.) Apparently that is another societal quirk: pandering to the handicapped. So this guy's on the shorter side and he's talking all this nonsense, pretending to be from Ireland, and gesturing with his midget hands. And then he makes a small 'pecker' joke. Okay, if I was this guy and I was five foot nothin' with midget hands I don't think small pecker jokes would be my plan of attack. I'd stick with the cane.

I'd just like to give a shout out to Dave who I met on his 6th hour at the bar and apparently on his 22nd birthday (although he's well over 40 I believe, I admire his ability to just lie, lie, lie). And in the words of Dave, he most definitely was 'drunk as a monkey.'

Go Dave, it's your birthday! The Junction strikes again!

I'm sorry, I can't stop! 'Are you weird past the point of where it's quirky and it's just akward? - 21':

Hello! I am a young college student who studies Creative Writing downstate. I am in the greater Syracuse area for the holidays and am looking to go on fancy, romance-filled dates with lots of hand holding and tender glances. It will be like that movie 40 Dates, but I will be going on one date with you! I like dreamcatchers, pagan folk music, mysticism, Alejandro Jodorowsky, Soup Salad and Breadsticks at the Olive Garden, Galactus - Devourer of Worlds, decadent victorian prose, and Henry Darger. What are your interests? Prior to going on a date, if you are so interested, I think it would be awesome if we were to agree on a book that we will both read. But the snag is that I, for example, will read the first half of the book, while you will only read the second half. On our date we will have to describe to the other person what happens in their part of the book. So, we will instantly have something to talk about!!! Go on a date with me! It will be fun! I have a picture of me having a horrible allegric reaction to peanuts last New Years Day!!! I'll show it to you if you ask!!!!

and take a gander at this one entitled 'Missing the rest of you? m4w':

Encountered your thong on University Ave on my way to a festive luncheon. Don't know much about you but your sense of style is clearly one to admire based on your choice of under garments. Did you drop them or did you spontaneously decide to go commando? If you dropped them, sorry I did not pick them up, so I won't be able to return them. Maybe it's just me, I don't have it in me to pick up a stranger's thong on a crowded sidewalk. Perhaps I should have retained them in order to hold a Snow White type contest. The woman of my dreams would be the one who fills out this thong the best. Commando? Thats hot and cold at the same. I truly admire fortitude to brave the cold with one less layer, however slight that layer may be. If you can look past my interest in a woman solely based on her lost thong, I'll look past the fact that said thong was entirely too crusty.

A post from the Syracuse Craigslist 'missed encounters' section entitled 'Long Ag0 -m4m':

Several years ago, you were mowing lawn on Park Ave near Steuben Park. You showed me an amazing one but had to finish work. I came back later, but you weren't there. I saw you once on Genesee St and you looked back, but nothing ever happened. I want to see you again and take you up on your offer to play with it.




WTF?

Did you ever notice that time flies when you're having fun; but when you're dieting, time is a one legged whore with the gout?

Maybe it's just me.

This basically sums up New Years.